Jun 30, 2007

The train

So I will be honest. Although I love when I try new things, I am often really scared to do so. Not everyone knows this about me but I have suffered from panic attacks and social phobia for a long time. I love the thought of adventure but I want someone (Mike) there to hold my hand while I jump into it.

Example: the train.
One thing that is really awesome about where we live is that we are in walking distance from a train station. We can easily hop a train and be in the city, hassle and traffic free, in 30 minutes. Sounds great. However, in my mind it was really scary. I imagined the New York subway system. Dirty, smelly, hot, scary people and all of a sudden I was terrified. A couple of months ago I was suppose to meet Mike to see Bill Clinton speak at one of Mike's conferences in Center City. I was suppose to take the train. I was really excited until the day came and I couldn't make myself do it. Luckily, I had lost my debit card and was unable to go anyway...but still...close call.

My point in saying all this is that on Saturday we had plans to meet our friends Em and Scott in Chinatown for dinner. We were going to take the train. gulp. Mike and I walked over to the train station. It was a lot cuter than I expected. I sat on the bench and prepared myself for the worst. Then we got on our train. Whaaa? It was clean. It was air conditioned. There were nice people on the train. YAY! It wasn't scary. The trip was pleasant and went really quickly.We got off at another non-scary station and walked into Chinatown.

We met Em and Scott and ate at this amazingly good Thai place called Siam Cuisine. We ate Calamari, Chicken Satay, drunken noodles and coconut milk curry. We talked and laughed and had a great time.

When it was time to go home Mike and I hopped back on the train. Again, it wasn't scary.

The train made the trip so easy that I am really looking forward to our next trip into the city. Yay for me. Another fear conquered.

Jun 28, 2007

Ghost

OK, so do you believe in Ghosts? A couple of years ago my friend Em and I were carving pumpkins, eating roasted pumpkin seeds, drinking yummy apple cider and making each other laugh when her mom sent her this super creepy pictures that she had taken in a graveyard in Vermont. She was taking a picture of a tombstone and when she looked at the picture on her digital camera this ghostly image was there. Her mother is a Christian and she wouldn't make this thing up. It freaked me and Em out. I literally got chills when I saw it. It makes me wonder a little bit about whether there really are ghosts of some sort. I mean...it REALLY looks like a ghost. What do you think?

Jun 27, 2007

Fiona

Here are some pictures of Fiona the kitten. She is more adorable in real life.


http://home.comcast.net/~transfig/kittenweb/

Jun 22, 2007

New little furbaby


Fable was a wonderful kitten and I am so blessed to have been his mommy for his short life. His death was very sad and we still get sad sometimes. I have been looking for a kitten for awhile and have found a new little baby to add to our home. As you can see, she is a tiny calico cutie. She is a rescue and more importantly ...a polydactyl (AKA she has six toes). This gives a look of a mitten paw. I am lucky to have gotten her because a lot of people thought she was really cute and apparently polydactyls are in high demand...not sure why...just know I fell in love with this little girl. I pick her up on Monday and I am quite excited. I don't know what to name her but I would like to give her a cute fairyish name. Any suggestions?

New art...blurry pictures

So here is one of my flower pictures. It is super blurry and looks a lot better in real life. I have other ones too.

I am making some note cards for birthdays ...they look really cute and I am proud of myself.

Jun 19, 2007

agitation

I feel this weird agitation inside. A restlessness that is making me annoyed. It is like I am bored and I want something to create but I can't figure out what it is. I don't want to do the laundry, I don't want clean and organize, I don't want to read or watch t.v. I want to make something cool but I don't feel inspired to make anything specific. ARG. I wish we had a pool here. I feel better when I swim.

Jun 15, 2007

My journal


I suck at keeping a diary. That is why I like blogging so much. You would literally have to look at about 6 different journals in order to have any kind of chronological order to my entries. This picture to the left is my favorite journal. It is illustrated by Becky Kelly, another favorite artist of mine. She does adorable pictures of fairies and other cute things. I always love to write my dreams and what I want for the future in this journal. I like to think it is a magical journal where all the dreams I write in it come true.

James Browne=beauty


I was looking on photo bucket for images for my myspace page and was gloriously introduced to the wonderful world of James Browne. Not the "I feel good, dadadadadada da" guy but the artist who's fairy pictures and mystical creatures resonate with my soul. It literally made my heart swell with happiness to see his work. My friend Emily(Costa) told me that he had been at the Hockessin art festival before and seemed like a pretty nice guy. I could see myself being somewhat of a groupie. I LOVE his work. He even had a cute picture called, " Waiting for Darby". I have a sister named Darby. We are meant to be friends.

Jun 14, 2007

The beach


Every year my family takes a trip down to Ocean City, Maryland over Father's Day weekend. The first time we went down was when I had just graduated from High School. My parents rented a room and then let me and Linds and Christine Mulrooney and my friend, Sarah, stay down for the week by ourselves. Darby and Jason had just gotten married and Linds was only 13. Since then we added Lyric, Ollie, Collin, and Mike to the trip. It has kind of shrunk down from a week to all day Saturday, sat night and then part of Sunday.

It is always fun. On Saturday night we always meet some of my dad's friends and go eat at Phillip's which is a phenomenal Seafood buffet. We all have our favorite things to eat but I always fill up on the king crab legs. They are huge and sweet and succulent.

The sad thing is is that this year may be the last hoorah for the DiNatale fam before Darb and her fam and Linds and Col move out West. Sad. I want to write more about this but I feel tired right now and I have to get ready to work.

AN image that I love


I think that this is beautiful and it represents me very well. I really wanted to upload an image since Jen always has super cool pics in her blog and I was jealous.

Jun 4, 2007

a new post

OK so, this is one of those posts that is a little embarrassing because it is totally honest but I really feel like I need to talk about this so here it goes. This weekend I was, and there is no other way to describe it, a completely horrible, 100% certifiably evil, bitch. I have been bitchy before but honestly there were moments when I was thinking to myself, "if I were Mike I would have slapped me by now".

To set things up you have to know that I have had massive problems with my menstrual cycle for a long time. I was told that I had fibroid tumors and that I should go on the pill to regulate my period . So, I did and then I was told by my mother that I have breast cancer in my family and that I shouldn't be on the pill. So I took the pill for a total of 5 months and then got off.(my doctor said that that was fine).

The first month after I was off the pill I had my period as usual and I naively thought that perhaps the pill had fixed my problem. Oh quite the contrary. In April I kept waiting and waiting and never got my period. I felt awful. I was nauseous and dizzy I had cramps and mood swings I had to pee a lot. Suddenly I thought to myself,"oh my Gosh, could I be pregnant?" Mike decided early on in our marriage that we would wait two years before we tried to conceive and since we decided that I often have changed my mind and wanted a baby sooner. Mike, however, being the steadfast man that he is, reminded me of the reasons we decided to wait and put his foot down. I felt a bit like a child not getting what she wanted and therefore was very happy and excited at this new possibility that I might be carrying a little baby. I rushed out and got a pregnancy test. Negative. I was slightly disappointed but I figured that it just wasn't the right time for us. However, 3 more weeks passed and I was experience no period and even more symptoms...time for another test.

This past Sunday I made Mike go out and get an early pregnancy test. I peed on the stick and waited for the 3 minutes. Negative.WHY? I felt betrayed by my body. I felt pregnant. I didn't get my period I have felt horrible for more than a month. I felt enraged and then I erupted. I threw the pregnancy test across the room. Yelling profanities,I kicked the fan that was in my path and pushed Mike away when he tried to console me. I flung myself on the bed and wailed. I called God stupid. I told Mike to "stop singing that stupid song" that he was singing to cheer me up. I screamed, "I HATE MY LIFE...I WANT TO DIE". I knew that I was acting like a child and as Mike slowly backed out of the room and shut the door I felt a wave of remorse wash over me. I got up and went to hug Mike. He welcomed me with opened arms and whispered words of encouragement to me as I sobbed into his shirt. What a good man. Mike took me to see a movie and to lunch to cheer me up. I was still pissy and I kept having to apologize. I can't believe what he put up with. He told me that he loves me and I love him and that means loving each other all the time even when things are difficult. What a good man. Seriously. What a wonderful man.

I still haven't fully gotten my period yet. I feel better inside, though which is a huge improvement. I hate feeling like I want to kill someone and I hate being unkind to Mike. Hopefully God will heal me from this problem but until he does it is wonderful to know that I have a wonderful husband who loves me no matter what.