Hi.

I have found recently that I say "hi" to strangers a lot more. I smile a lot more. I hold doors for people. I think this is nice. I have decided that even if people don't say hi or smile back at least I did my part. I have been trying hard lately to be a kind person. I don't think I am an unkind person by nature but it is very hard for me to hide my annoyance at people and situations. I am working on that. You know what else I have found out recently? If I pray for help to have peace or to not be annoyed at someone, God usually helps out. It's nice.

Mike and I are leaving on Saturday to go to Bar Harbor, Maine with my family. I am excited. We hired a pet sitter to come to our house twice while we are gone. I hope it works out and the cats aren't too mad or dead when we get home. I think two times during the week is good right? I mean, they have stayed a couple of nights by themselves a lot of times. I'm sure it will be fine.

I have started eating a low carb diet because of the insulin resistance. I feel pretty good today. I love carbs. It might get really hard.

bleh

I haven't been feeling well lately. I stopped taking my sugar medication because it went up to 50.00 a month and I was feeling better. Of course I was feeling better, I was on the meds. Yesterday I had a horrible sugar episode. I was sweating profusely, extremely weak and dizzy. Mike forced me to eat a cookie I started feeling better. I couldn't really talk cause my brain wasn't working. It was bad news.

Second issue:
I have been struggling with forgiveness. There is a person who has been in my life for a few years and I have known for awhile that they are not a safe person. I haven't been forced to spend too much time with said individual but recently spent a chunk of time with them. I can't go into details but this situation is odd. This person sees their own reality. They don't see truth at all and they cannot be convinced of anything that they do not want to see. I have been hurt by this person but there is no remedy for the situation. I simply have to forgive to keep my sanity and not put strain on other relationships that I hold dear. It is frustrating.

That is all.

Not much to say

I thought I would write a new post though I do not have anything that big to say. Just a few small things,

1. I am extremely excited about the upcoming wedding of my dearest friend, Elizabeth SJ Letham. She has asked me to be a Maid/Matron of honor (her sister is the other one)


2. I had a dream last night that Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) was my boyfriend. It was a really good dream. He bit me. I liked it.

3. I am unbelievable exhausted today and I do not know why. Must have been that dream.

imagination

I am so blessed to have an imagination. I sincerely feel sorry for those who cannot conjure up anything other than reality. Frankly, my imagination has kept me going through the years. It keeps me from getting bored and it helps me to be empathetic in many situations. Sometimes I wonder if I use my imagination in a way that is harmful. I know I have used it as an escape from my life in the past but on the whole I feel that it brings me joy and I don't feel like that is wrong. One of my favorite things to imagine is that I live in a cottage in the woods and there are all sorts of mystical creatures hiding in the yard. I literally imagine that I do not live in the city but the country. Just past the woods that surround our house is a lush meadow with thousands of wildflowers. If you look further you will see the ocean which is crystal clear. That is where the mermaids live. They like to swim with the dolphins and wave at me.

That is what I am imagining right now. It is a nice place to be.

new post

I feel like I have been so busy lately but it actually feels really good to be so. I have to say that coming off of the intense practice schedule leading up to Godspell left me exhausted yet used to being busy. Oh wait, maybe I should comment about Godspell. Ok, I'll sum it up because I have a lot of feelings about it.

I loved doing Godspell and I hope we get a chance to do it again. We went from kind of sucking to being absolutely fabulous. I got closer to a great bunch of people and really had fun working towards this end goal.
I am really proud of myself for a couple of things. Firstly, I am proud that I committed to doing it and then didn't punk out. Although many a mishap kept me from feeling great I still went to the majority of rehearsals.I made it even though I live about 1 hour and 1/2 away. A huge goal of mine was to stop make commitments and then backing out. Although it was tough, it was totally worth it in so many ways. Secondly, I was really nervous to perform and have actually had confidence issues for a long time. A fear of what other would think of the only"fat" one in the show. I am proud of myself for trying out and then performing. Though Saturday night I was very nervous I pulled off Sunday without so much as a stomach flutter. Ok, maybe one or two flutters before I got on stage but nothing as soon as I started to perform. Thirdly, I am proud of my performance. I think I did really well.

Moving on...

I usually hate 4th of July almost as much as New Year's Eve. Those are the 2 holidays of which I have a myriad of bad memories. 4th of July means hot hot humid heat, bugs biting and buzzing, and lots and lots of boredom. Buuuuuuut...this year was great!! The weather was perfect. PERFECT!! Warm with a nice breeze. We spent the majority of the day at my parents for a picnic. They got a smallish above ground pool which I played in for hours like a child. My mom and Lyric against me and Ollie in a water gun fight. Ollie cleverly got out of the pool and landed several sniper shots to our opponents faces. We tried to make a whirpool by running in circles and chanting,"whirl-pool whirl-pool". It didn't really work. We floated around on rafts and then got out and ate yummy ribs and other tasty food. Although I swim virtually everyday it is so much more fun to be in a private pool acting like I don't have a care in the world. Frankly, yesterday I really didn't have any cares. It is exactly how summer should be. Then Mike and I left and went to an annual party at Sarah and Kevin's, Mike's friends from college. I got to see my lovely friend , Martha.

It was just a great day. I feel so tired right now. I need a rest. Again, I don't feel like checking my work so sorry if there are typos.