Weight Watchers

I started weight watchers online and a new blog to go with my weight loss journey. However, not everyone will have access to that blog. My point in saying this is that I might post some stuff from that blog on here but not the really honest stuff...like how much I weigh. This blog is public and I don't feel like sharing all of my secrets with everyone. um, that is all I want to say right now.

I am doing it...and I need all the help I can get.

I just weighed myself for the first time in a long time and I am heavier than I ever thought possible. Instead of getting depressed and doing nothing I am going to be aggressive. I started counting calories and have set the reasonable goal of losing 147 lbs by August 2009. I am swimming three times a week and I am going to try to drink 640z of water a day. I am not cutting out sugar completely but I am going to try to incorporate better foods into my diet and only have a small amount of sugar a day until I am off of it.

I need my friends to pray for me. This is something I really want and need to do.

Hip hip!

Yay! The owner accepted our offer! We are (lord willing) going to be home owners! We go to settlement on March 15th. Mike and I are really excited. Thanks to all of you for the encouragement and prayers.

waiting

I hate waiting. I feel like I have been waiting for my whole life. I know I should be patient but I just feel like I need to know now. It just kind of sucks when you have to wait for an answer about one thing before you can move on to another thing. The house for instance. It has been nearly 1 month since we told the agent that we wanted to put in an offer.She needs to really get on the ball. I know that the price of the house is just a drop in the bucket compared to some sales she is probably dealing with but good grief. She will tell us we need something so we work really hard to get it thinking that that is what she needs to make the offer and then I won't hear from her so I assume she has made the offer. A couple of days later I will catch up with her and ask her what is going on and she will be like, "oh, I need this too". Sometimes she tells us she needs something that we have never heard of but she insists that she sent it twice already. Sometimes we will send her things a couple of times and she will say she never got it. It is so frustrating. I wish it could just be simple. We can't find another agent cause she has all of our information. We can't look at other houses because she might make the offer. It is just all up in the air. We need to tell our apartment management whether we are leaving in April but we don't want to do that until we know for sure that we have a house. This is just so annoying to me. I know people have said it is stressful to buy a house but... jeez.

Wishes for 2008

When I was turning 28 my mom asked me what I wanted for that year. I said, "Um, to be engaged". She laughed and said,"Maybe you should find a guy first". 7 Months later I was married. I didn't try to make that happen but Mike and I went on our first date a couple of days later and the rest is history. That was two years ago and I haven't made any big wishes out loud since. So I was thinking that I would make some wishes and share them on my blog.

So what do I want for 2008? Well, let's see...I want to own a nice cozy house and I want to have a baby. Too tall of an order? I think not. If God can let me go from never having a serious boyfriend to being married in 7 months I really think he can handle those two requests. I am excited. Next year this time we will see if my wishes for 2008 came true.

Etsy

I don't know about you but I love handmade, one of a kind anything. I love the idea that I got something cool and original that no one else will have. I also like supporting those who are cool and crafty and able to make awesome stuff.

Etsy is a awesome site that has a ton, and I mean a TON of really nice stuff that you can get for those you love including yourself. I have a few friends that have sold some of their goods on there (peedlebug awesomeness) and some that are planning to do so. Granted there is so much stuff that is impossible to see everything cool and weed out the stuff that may be cool to some but not really to anyone I know. There are some tricks to searching. One thing I found that works is when you find something you like by a cool person you can see what their favorite items are and their favorite sellers. If you keep doing this you stumble upon a whole lot of good stuff. Take a look.
http://www.etsy.com/

More things I love

I like to think of my "things I love" posts as Oprah's favorite things show. Granted, I don't give away huge expensive presents and I don't think anyone will pass out while reading it, well , hopefully not cause that would mean something was wrong with them. Anyway, here are some more of the things I love and some things I recommend trying if you haven't already.

1. Bath and Body works 3 in 1 in Dreamy Chocolate Mint. This was the BEST white elephant gift a girl could receive.Thanks to Linds, the best little sis. You can use it as shampoo, bubble bath and body wash. I have used it as all three and let me tell you what...it works great and the smell is amazing. I follow it up with the DCM lotion and feel soft and smell great all day.

2. Dirty Sexy Money...the show. I wasn't planning on watching it because I assumed it would be all sex and no story line. Quite the opposite and pleasantly surprising. Extremely lovable characters and multiple story lines that draw you in and keep you coming back for more. It comes on ABC at 10:00pm on Wed nights. If you have Comcast digital cable you can get the new show on demand the next day.

3. The Namesake...the book. Uh, Fabulous. You have to read it. It is just great.


Ok, so there are only three things that I am mentioning right now because I can't think of anything else. I will keep you posted .

Five things I have done right

I have been tagged by Jen to say five things I have done right and because I never ignore a tag I will try my best to think of them. Most of my five things are basically huge steps to one common goal. I hope that counts because they have changed my life.

1. I decided to be healed.
When I was 18 years old I realized that I was royally F'ed up. I had huge mental and emotional issues and I decided to embark on the journey of wellness. The first step I took was getting prayer whenever the heck I could. The second step was...

2. Going to YWAM for my DTS.
This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Making the decision that I couldn't stop the endless cycle of drinking, drugs, depression and bulimia without completely taking my life out of my hands and putting it in God's. I literally felt the physical pain of the strongholds in my life being broken. I learned about forgiveness and forgave my parents and others that had done damage to me over the years. This also led me to #3

3. I admitted that I still had mental illness and went to a therapist.
Who helped me heal, realize my goals, and overcome my fear of men. Which led me to number 4.

4. I married Mike. Who completes me in a way that only Jerry Maguire can understand. Just kidding. He is perfect for me and completely worth the wait.

5. I maintained my friendships with some seriously AMAZING people who are now just like family to me. Missy, Elizabeth, Elis, and Jessica. I have been so close to all of them for over 10 years and most of them over 15.(missy 27 years). Plus, I am extremely close to my two sisters Darb and Linds, who I couldn't have survived without.

So there are 5 things I did right. I believe there are more but I will stick with the five.

spillage

I know for a fact that when you are a dedicated blog reader it is really annoying when one of the blogs you frequent hasn't been updated in awhile. I apologize for my lack of posting. I have started several entries and then simply lost steam. I usually reread what I write and find it boring or badly written and I think no one will be interested. I did have a friend or two prompt me to start writing again, which was nice. I will simply spew forth what is in my head right now and you can take it or leave it.

First, thanks for those praying for my "lady issues". I decided to go a natural route as long as possible because of all the side effects that come with traditional fertility drugs.I have been taking daily doses of Fertili-tea. Which is a bunch of herbs that allegedly regulate your cycle and promote optimal conditions for conception. It tastes like peppermint and I enjoy drinking it. I am not sure if I am altering its effectiveness because I make it into iced tea and put sugar in it. It was too much of a hassle to always make it hot because it is loose tea and I don't have an infuser anymore. It seems to be working. Or at least the prayer is helping. I haven't been bleeding nearly as much or as often. This is great news to me. I have decided to not stress out about having a baby. If it is meant to be it will happen. I have a peace about that so I am just going to go with it.

Another big thing that is going on right now is that Mike and I are trying to buy a house. We found one that we like within a price range, in a good area, and we are putting an offer in on it. We can't settle until the end of April, so we hope it works out. It is in Northeast Philly about 20 minutes south from where we are now. It is exciting and I hope it works out.

My furry baby, Naughty Miss Fi,(Fiona) is, as we speak, doing her annoying suckle/knead/purr/drool thing on my shoulder.I don't know why she only does it to me but I don't like to be covered in kitten drool. She is going to have to be spayed soon. If anyone knows of a low cost program please let me know.

My dear friend Nina, has informed me that her big gray and white cat, aptly named, Gray and White, has misplaced himself. Please let us join in prayer for his safe and speedy return to their home.

So that is what is going on in my head right now. Hopefully I will keep you up to date on the happenings in my life.

A wonderful two years

I can't believe it but Mike and I had our 2nd anniversary yesterday. It was a wonderful day. I woke up to roses and donuts and a beautiful card that made me cry. Mike gave me a really fun karaoke game too because he knows how much I like to sing and record my singing. We then saw the Darjeerling Limited, which was a GREAT movie and then finished off the day with dinner at the melting pot. I felt super loved all day. (I gave mike a present and card but I don't need to go into all that). I just feel so blessed to have someone who loves all of me for who I am. Words can't express my love and gratitude.

Fun this weekend

On Friday night Laura and Chris came up and took Mike and me out to dinner. We went to a nice Italian place and ate food and drank some sweet fruity wine. Chris went home and Laura spent the night.

On Saturday Laura and I went into the city for lunch and then went to one of my favorite stores...Lush. If you have never experienced Lush I would have to say that you are missing out. They have amazing bath and skin products that are so yummy smelling and do wonders for your skin. I got turned onto Lush two years ago when I somehow got word of Dream Cream and had Mike buy it for me for Christmas. It certainly lived up to it's name. My dry skin was gone after just a few uses and those little red bumps that I always get on my upper arms vanished as well. Yesterday I bought a slice of soap called SEXYPEEL. It smells like a delicious lemon cookie and has lemon peel in it to exfoliate the skin. The smell cheers me up instantly which is really important during this time of year when I tend to get S.A.D. I also got a really good smelling solid massage bar. You rub it on your skin and it turns into a moisturizing oil that isn't too greasy. Love it. The closest Lush store in this area is on Walnut street. Which is perfect cause it only takes 20 minutes to get there. Parking is a pain so I am going to figure out if the train can get me close.

Anyway, it is great stuff and I would recommend that everyone go there. You are sure to find something you love. Or you can just go to Lush.com but you won't be able to smell all the yumminess.

ANGEL

Thanks

Blue eyes as deep as the ocean look at me and hold my gaze
a smile so honest that it reveals my deepest secrets and
a soft kiss that makes me forget where I am

I have been broken but you are putting me back together again
you have my heart and all of my love

My poor baby

My cat, Figgy Pudding aka Mr. the baby the Figs Aka Figgy piggy purr pants. AKA Figoo(by Mike), get groomed usually once or twice a year. He usually gets shaved all the way down to the skin depending on how bad his mats are. His mats weren't very bad this time but he was beginning to get his poo stuck on his tush so I figure it was a good time to get his fur washed and cut.

Today I took him to the groomer that is attached to the vet that we have been using for Fiona. From the moment we stepped out of the car we heard the mournful howling of the dogs. We walked around the building and had to walk across a slanted and shaky footbridge. The dogs got louder as we approached the door and I looked in the carrier to see if Figgy was ok. He was walking in circles. I laughed a little bit and said that the dogs wouldn't eat him.

As I handed the Figs off to the groomer I assured her that he is very well behaved and that he has never had a problem in the past with his grooming. In fact, his groomer in Delaware commented on how good he has always been for her. Anyway, she took him and said she would call when he was done.

I got a call around 11:45am telling me to pick him up by 12:00. She then proceeded to tell me much to my chagrin, that Figgy was so bad that he is now officially banned from that groomer unless he is tranquilized first. Gulp.

I wanted to cry. They must have hurt him. That is all I can say. He is so good natured that he has only hissed once in his life and that was when Fable banged into his face upon introduction.

I brought Figs back home and let him out of his carrier. He sauntered out of the carrier and plopped down a few feet away from me. I tried to tell him that he looked nice and he literally got up and turned his back to me and plopped back down. Later he got down on the floor to pet him and he got up and walked under the bed. Woa. Pissed off kitty. I apologized later and gave him a treat. He isn't ignoring me anymore.

Now I have to find a new groomer for next time. I think I will go to a place that doesn't board dogs.

Getting healthy

OK, so I have been fat for awhile and have gotten really fat in the past 2 years. No, no, don't deny it. Oh, you weren't, OK. I mean, I look at pictures of when I thought I was fat and I look slightly chubby. I hate that. Why couldn't I have just been happy then. Well, the point is is that I have tried losing weight in the past and seriously the only thing, and I mean the ONLY thing that has ever helped is exercise. Right, right. Everyone else in the world already knows this and I think deep down I knew it too but I just didn't want to believe it.

However, way easier said then done. It has come to my attention that I am an innately lazy person. It isn't all my fault. I was actually diagnosed with attention deficit with HYPO activity disorder when I was younger. The Doctor was like, "Your kid is SO lazy that we need to medically pick up her pace". I was on all the A.D.D. meds and I pretty much didn't sleep the entire time that I was on them. Where was I going with this...oh yeah, exercise. Well, I found that they only time that I lost a lot of weight was when I went to YWAM. You either gain it there or you lose it. Some people in my DTS gained like 40lbs I lost 40. It was all the walking. I mean, it wasn't eating healthy. We ate what we were served, buffet style and it was all made by a 450lb(give or take 100lbs) southern women who cooked like a southern women. Everything was fried or drenched in some kind of sauce. So I wasn't eating healthier. Like I said, it was the walking. I walked everywhere on the base and walked at least 2 miles a day.

When I got back I was able to maintain the weight loss by going to curves. Then that stopped.

Anyway, I then got super sick. My fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue made it really hard to do anything, especially exercise. Yet, exercise is what I need to feel better.What to do?

Well, pretty much the only exercise that I really enjoy is swimming. So, now that things aren't quite as tight financially, Mike and I decided to join the ymca in our area. His work also reimburses us for some of the price.

I swam today for about 35 minutes and I feel really good. I feel like my muscles don't hurt as much and that I will sleep really well.

I really hope this is a step in the right direction. I hope that I can become healthier and stay the course even though it will be a long road.

I am not recommending this movie

This movie was great and had the entire theater howling with laughter in spots. I will never recommend anyone see it though, because it is also very crude at times. I mean, duh, end of high school and the guys are trying to get with the girls that they have crushes on. Of course it is going to be crude. It is really funny though and much less offensive then some of the other "teen guys trying to get laid" movies. I wouldn't recommend it because some might not think it is funny at all but I do want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it.

unfortunate

I guess I will just write about how I am feeling just now...It could change soon so don't hold me to it. I feel 60% shitty right now. Emotionally, physically, mentally and whoops can't forget spiritually. I have been bleeding for about three weeks...bleeding from your private parts can really put a damper on all things good. It is not only annoying because sometimes I "flood" at inopportune moments but I also feel really lightheaded and weak a lot. I asked the doctor, "hey, what can be done?" She said to go back on the pill. I said,"But, I wanted to try to have a baby relatively soon" she said, "then you hare just going to have to deal with the bleeding". Thanks bunches, lady. Thanks effing BUNCHES. Do you know what is like to want something pretty badly and then be told that ," Hey, guess what...you might not be able to have that because your body is f'ed up". I might not be able to conceive because if I bleed all month it means that there is no time to ovulate.That is really sad. I don't feel like writing about it anymore but feel free to send your condolences.

blah

I recently noticed that my posts haven't been very poetic or thought provoking. I apologize for that. I think my writing was "deeper" before I got married. I will try to do better.

Finished

It was beyond wonderful. I couldn't imagine it ending in a better way though it makes me said that it is indeed, over. Now I look forward to her writing something else.

What is wrong with me?

So, I have been ill for years. I mean really, I never feel well. I have been to Doctors and they always say the same annoying thing..lose weight. It isn't that simple and I know that the easiest thing for a doctor to say is, "you are overweight and you will feel better if you lose weight". Fact is that I felt sick before I was very overweight and it is the pain and fatigue that keeps me from exercising.I need a doctor who cares enough to look past the weight.

I am exhausted all the time. My body always aches. I get excruciating headaches at least twice a week. I feel sick to my stomach when I am hungry and even more so after I eat. I feel dizzy and lightheaded often. I get weak quickly and need to sit down. I have restless legs at night and often restless arms too. I am always really stiff especially in my legs. I have had the pain and stiffness in my legs since I was a child.

I just made an appointment with an internist. These doctors of internal medicine are apparently more thorough and do tests and blood work a lot. I need help. I am so sick of feeling so bad.