Nov 2, 2010

Why don't I post more? and other things...

You know, there was a time in my life when I wrote more often. Not just on my blog but in general. I wrote in my journals and I often found myself following up on ideas for stories.Why don't I wrote more now? I think my issue is not time. I have plenty of time. I think it is a mixture of lack of creativity and lack of confidence. I start to write and then I reread the words and think they are crap. I think, " who would want to read this"? I wonder if people would talk or act they way I am portraying them. Then I wonder what I was thinking and erase everything. Hmph. I hate not feeling like what I create is good. Even when I am writing on my blog I feel like writing is tedious. I feel like I am trying to wade through my muddy thoughts and put down something witty an eloquent. I feel like it never works and everything sounds boring and trite. Blaaaaah. yucky.

Anyway, Mike and I went away for the past two weekends. We went to a bed and breakfast for two nights two weekends ago and it was fantastic. It was very peaceful and quiet and the bed was very comfortable. The first night I didn't sleep well. I felt really scared in the room and felt like we weren't alone. I used to feel that way all of the time when I was in my early 20s. When I lived at my parents house I slept in what used to be Darby's room. I would feel terrified sometimes. There was a period when there was some weird stuff going on at our church. I mean, there were people introducing weird stuff and I am really sensitive to spirits. Something was with me and I don't mean the Holy Spirit.

The worst time I remember was laying in my bed and not being about to fall asleep. It was late at night and I felt terrified. All of a sudden, and mind you I was wide awake, I could not move my body. Something heavy was pushing me into the bed. It was hard to breathe but I started praying out loud. All of the sudden the thing lifted off of me in a wave from my feet to my head leaving a tingling feeling behind in it's wake. It was crazy.

It was scary like that for a few years. I moved in with someone and she was gone a lot. I felt terrified there a lot and always felt like someone was watching me.

When I moved to A Door of Hope things got a lot worse. I was terrified at night. I couldn't sleep and all of the other Mentors were having problems as well. I woke up one night to a dark cloud hovering above me. All I could think of to say is,"what the hell are you doing here"? My friend that had the room across from me said that she felt someone lay down next to her and kiss her neck. One halloween night I was there by myself and and I heard a several doors upstairs slam.

I decided to have people come in and pray through the house and immediately the problems stopped. It was crazy.

Well, the point is, and yes I did nothing to make this long story short, is that Mike prayed for me that night at the B&B and I wasn't scared anymore. It just confirmed that I can still get tormented by forces that I can't see.

This past weekend Mike and I went to the inner harbor for a wedding of two of his friends. It was a lovely Jewish wedding and the reception was so fun. We got back tot eh hotel around 3am and I still feel like I am recovering but it was totally worth it.

So, that's all my news for now. I don't feel like checking my work so sorry if there are any mistakes.