Dec 30, 2008


Tomorrow I have my surgery to remove the uterine polyp. I have hope that it will go well and that the procedure will increase my chance of conception. I am a bit nervous, though. I am nervous to have the procedure done even though I am sure it will be no big deal. I am also nervous that I still won't conceive and then I will have to face the fact that I just might never have a baby.I think if I just knew for sure that I couldn't that it would be easier than not knowing. I felt that way about getting married too. If I just knew that there was no one for me then I would have been able to move on with my life. But it was a wonderful surprise to find that Michael was meant for me.

Speaking of Michael, I do believe that he is my soulmate. Last night when he was tucking me in and we were praying and doing devotions I happened to ask him if he would remarry if I died. He said that he would not. I asked him why and he explained that he only wants me. He couldn't imagine marrying anyone else. We have talked before about the fact that he didn't want to get married until he met me. He wanted to spend his life with me not just anyone. How humbling and amazing to me. I feel the same way about him. I could never imagine anyone being able to make me happy like Mike does. He takes care of me. He makes me laugh. We talk about things. He wants me to be happy. He apologizes when he wrongs me and he REALLY means it. It is amazing to me. How truly wonderful.

So, anyway. That is just what I felt like saying.

Dec 15, 2008

My day

Where is my brain these days? No really, that wasn't rhetorical.

Today, I heard the alarm go off and I dragged myself out of bed. I sat on the toilet and did the stare-y thing where I could be there for minutes or hours because I am just thinking about nothing looking at the radiator.Not going to the bathroom. Just sitting and staring. I forced myself to get up and into the shower. Turned the hot water on and hopped in. Burned myself cause I forgot to turn on the cold water too. Stood in the shower and did the stare-y thing. This time I was looking at the floor of the tub. Forced myself to wash and condition hair and suds all the proper places. Forced myself to dry off completely. Usually I prefer to air dry some. Made my breakfast. Ate the breakfast. Got the coffee. Got in the car. Got gas. Drove to 95. Waited in usually traffic jam. Sang to Mindy Smith Christmas album. Turned on the massaging seat cover Mike just bought me. Turned it off cause it was making me sound weird and after all you never know if there is someone hiding in your backseat that was going to kill you but then he hears your beautiful voice and realizes he cannot slay this voice of an angel(yes, I really was scared of that when I was younger). Drove my usual 50 minuted to Delaware. Got all my stuff out of the car and went to talk to my fellow teacher. "Heeeey, what's going on?"she asks. I say,"Oh just coming to teach my class". "Wait, your new class doesn't start tomorrow" she says with a look of confusion on her face. I start laughing. Of course my class doesn't start until tomorrow. New classes ALWAYS start on a Tuesday. I am officially retarded. Sorry, mentally challenged.

So, I figured I will do some tax free shopping and go to lunch and a movie with my Mom and Grandmother.

We saw 4 Christmases. It was funny in spots but semi painful to watch.

I am tired from my big day.

Dec 7, 2008


I am have been doing pretty well lately. I have started going back to VCF (oops not today) and have been depending on God for the things I need. I have been going through some things. Please feel free to share your thoughts. I mean, as long as they are helpful and insightful. Don't be mean.

First of all, Mike and I did the thing that Bruce told us to do about resisting Satan and/his mean little toadies. As soon as we did that it seemed that things started falling apart left and right. However, I believe that God is good so maybe all the attacks were meant to be much worse than they are. Here are the things I/we are dealing with that could use prayer...

1. Infertility-Truth be told Mike and I have been trying to conceive for about 2 years. We starting seeing a fertility doctor and found out the following things.

A. I have insulin resistance. My body makes too much insulin and the doesn't use it. Therefore I crave sugar and gain weight without trying. I KNEW there was something up with that. Upon further blood tests they also saw that my fasting sugar was really high. I need more tests but they put me on Metformin. Blood sugar issues run in my family. My Greatgrandmother, grandfather, mom and dad all have sugar problems. My dad has diabetes. I am one step away from that.

B. I have a polyp on my uterus. After testing they discovered abnormal cells. So I need to have that removed via D&C.

C.Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

D. I have low iron.

No wonder I feel exhausted all the time and I can't get pregnant.Sheesh. Please just pray for me.

Don't feel like writing anymore just now. Will continue later.