May 23, 2012

1 month out

So tomorrow will mark 1 month since my surgery. I am feeling a bit more normal which is what I continue to crave. I want to feel good, of course, I want to lose weight, of course, I want to be healthy, of COURSE but want I really want is to feel like my life is normal again.
 For a girl who has a hard time adjusting to shocks to the system, physically and emotionally, this surgery has been a doooooooozie. First the physical aspect. I was cut and rearranged and things were removed. Muscle was cut and IVS, portals, tubes and drains were put in. I didn't sleep much for the first two weeks and it's quite easy to get dehydrated which I believe I almost was a few times. Mike had to give me shots for two weeks. Thank God we don't have to do that anymore. The pain was intense at times as were the intestinal issues.I still get lightheaded and tired and have to take vitamins and medicines that taste horrible. Emotionally, it's been even tougher. Before the surgery food was a huge part of my life. When I was sad or lonely ,bored ,depressed ,tired or happy, I would eat. We ate for entertainment and for the experience. It was so comforting to me to just sit down after a tough day and eat some of my favorite foods. I was addicted to sugar. Now I can't do that. I can't use food as a drug. I have to deal with every little thing that I am feeling and man I feel A LOT. Plus, I have used the weight as another security blanket. Over the years the blanket got too hot and heavy but it was who I thought I was, I didn't want to let go.I regretted the surgery as soon as it got day one. I am just now starting to remember why I wanted it in the first place. I feel better physically. My body doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did before surgery even my fibromyalgia isn't as bad. I love that my clothes are looser. For a girl who wants nothing but comfort it is nice to feel more comfortable. Anyway, that's how I feel right now.

May 10, 2012

Well, it has been two weeks today since I got my surgery and I would say that I am doing really well with my recovery. The first week was really rough. Lots of pain both inside and out and other not so pleasant things. I still am taking blood thinner shots in my belly every night which is rough but only have until Saturday. Then no more "pokes" as Senya says. Speaking of Sen, she sent me an adorable video greeting saying that she was sorry I had to get "lots of pokes". She knew that pokes hurt because she never has forgotten her shots. Such an adorable, smart and funny girl. I love her.

Mike has been really fantastic during all of this. I mean, I expect nothing less because he is always great but he has just been such a help during this time. He spent the nights curled up on a cot in the hospital room with me and made sure that I got everything I wanted or needed, including a fan to block out noise.

I would say right now the hardest thing for me to do is to take all the medication I am supposed to be taking. primarily because I can't swallow big pills so everything has to be chewable(yuck) or opened/crushed and consumed(triple yuck).

Anyway, that's all for now.