I can't be bothered with fancy titles of these ridiculous blog posts. I can barely think straight and I sure as fuck can't be creative or witty right now. so. i am just going to write. My baby died. That is what is going down. It happened on August 20th and well, what do you say about that? I'm grieving. it's hard. it sucks. i want to write eloquently and beautifully and I want to move people. i want people to be touched so they understand my pain. but you won't. unless you have experienced the loss of a baby. you can't. i want to be sensitive and kind right now. but i can't be. i want to want to be with people but i don't. i especially don't want to be around people who aren't easy for me to be around normally. i'm not a misanthrope, per se, but i've never been a fan of most people. there are only a handful of people that i love and even less that I couldn't live without. if i can't be authentic around you then it's just too much work. if i have to worry that you are going to be offended or your feelings are going to get hurt because i'm not meeting your expectations then I' not going to subject myself to the displeasure of your company. I have some friends that are comforting to me. My sisters. my parents. my husband and baby boy. therapist. These people are helpful.