Feb 28, 2011

Things in my head

Since I write what I am feeling and then often leave it as a draft or erase it before I post, I have decided to just write and post. Boom. Write and post. Boom. Just like that. Just like what is in my head will just spill out and then I will post it. Boom. Just like that. Sorry. Anyway, so this is what is in my head....

Hygiene. More specifically, the lack of good hygiene. I never would have believed this but I come in contact with numerous students who literally stink. Like, truly smell bad. I even teach a huge chapter on hygiene and germs and all that jazz. I make it a point to be specific about how horrible it is for a massage therapist to smell bad. I'm talking bad breath, horrible under arm odor that clearly smells like the person A. wears no deodorant and B. hasn't showered for a few days. Stinky feet, like they never change their socks and have some sort of fungus. Smelly hair, like that yucky old oily hair stink. and worst of all...I mean really truly gag me with the stench, butt and/or crotch odor. Like men and women that smell of stinky butt/crotch. What the HELL people. What. THE. HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL. These people are adults and I have to tell them that other class mates have complained about their hygiene. It's so uncomfortable for me and the worst part is is that they just go on stinking. Ok, so, I kid you not. As I write this a student came over to get a paper towel because she was sweating and she smelled like pit stink. She is in her 30's. She doesn't look like she should stink but yet...she really does.

So I, as someone who is A. Married to a remarkable unstinky man and B. obsessed with smelling pleasant have some questions. First, may I state for the record that I might even take the hygiene overboard. Yes, I shower and wash my hair every day but I also take a bath at night. That is usually for pain relief and relaxation but I suds up for sure. I like to smell clean and feel fresh. I brush my teeth twice a day but also floss like it's going out of style. I actually love to floss. I've never had a cavity so...I'm pretty proud of that. I use deodorant and powder. Powder works great for the undies. In fact, I use Lush powder in the aptly named Silky Underwear. I use lotion and spray on my body . The effect is fresh, light and clean. that's how I want the air around me to be. SO, I feel assaulted when I get hit with a wall of stench. Oh right, my questions are A. Do you know you smell and B. Why do you smell? Do you not smell that stinky smell and wonder," hmm, is that me?" and if you do do you not think to your self,"hmm, shouldn't I do something about that stink"? It boggles my mind people. My mind is officially boggled.

Ugh. Bleck. I'm smelling it. I'm smelling it right now. The stink. The stank. The stunk. It wafts in this direction. I checked to see if it was me. Of course, I am normal so that is the first thing I do. It is not. I have achieved the desired Fresh.Light. Clean.

So besides having a almost visual cloud of green noxious gas floating in front of my face I also have a horrible headache. Maybe it's because of the green gas cloud.

That what's going on with me. Write. Post. Boom. Just like that.

Feb 7, 2011


I have been feeling much much happier lately. As some of you know, if there is anyone who still reads my neglected blog, I have had a pretty tough couple of years. The past few months have especially sucked. I had some stress, anger and sadness that were the dominant emotions in my life. In order to make myself feel better I kicked the drinking and other stuff up a good 40 notches. That was a completely random estimate of notches kicked. I don't even know what that means, sorry. My point is that I was drinking a lot. A LOT a lot. As in, drinking at inappropriate times and being drunk when I should not be drinking at all. Also, drinking massive quantities of whatever I could get my hands on and smoking stuff that isn't legal.That went on for a good year, I'd say.

So a few weekends ago I hit rock bottom. I won't go into details but it involved a weekend that I can't quite recall. Mike filled me in on why water was pouring through the ceiling and why we needed a new toilet. Why he was washing sheets and my pajamas and why he hid a bottle of sleeping pills.

Darby had me go back and look at some texts I had sent and explained why she was going to call an ambulance from California.

Bad bad weekend. The good news is that I am on my antidepressant like I should be. I also have chosen to live a sober lifestyle.

I have also chosen to heal from anger and hurt and make my relationship with God a priority.

So far so good. It's a struggle to live a healthy life but it's what I want.