May 17, 2007


I just want to say that I love fairies. I love them. I think that they are beautiful and it always makes me imagine that there is a fun magical world that we can't see. I like to believe in that world. I like to believe in Santa and elves, and all of the stuff that adults aren't suppose to believe in. I love Harry Potter. Many Christians I have encountered are angry when I say that I like fairies and Harry Potter. It is as if I said that I love Satan. I don't know why they should be so angered. I am not a witch nor do I want to be. I haven't tried to cast a spell on them or hex their families. I am a Christian and I don't practice witchcraft. Whatever. I don't understand people sometimes.

May 16, 2007


I need some. I have been sitting here by the computer with the broom in my hand staring out at the faded red painted fence and the wind blown trees. If I crouch down a little and tilt my head up I can pretend that it isn't a parking lot but a country scene and I imagine that there is a cute little cottage with a stream running through the lush green meadow. oh, who are we is just a parking lot. It is OK though. There are no cars there just now and at least I see a little bit of nature. I need to get motivated and go clean the kitchen.

May 8, 2007

Being content

Being content is something that I have never mastered. It seems like every stage of life I am in, I am looking forward to the next. Now, generally there is nothing wrong with hoping for the future or planning with certain goals in mind. I am talking about when you feel like there is always something that you don't have that is the key to your happiness. For example, when I was a teenager I wanted to drive. I thought my life would be so happy if I could just drive. I began to drive and it was awesome...until the novelty wore off. Then it was if I could only graduate from high school. If I could find a better job. If I could only make more money, if I could only find love, if I could only be married, if I could only be rich, if I could only have a baby...and so on. You know what this "if only" way of thinking got me? A: More if onlys.

What causes this? I seriously want to know. When I am constantly looking forward to the next thing in my life, I am unable to enjoy the present time. So, that presents regrets and a feeling of nostalgia. If only I could still be a teenager, if only I didn't have to work. If only I still worked there. It never ends. I have become aware and annoyed at this pattern in my life and am trying to nip it in the bud.

So, I am happy to be 30, married, childless, a massage therapist, a substitute teacher, living in an apartment, in Northeast Philly, with a car that is almost paid off and owner of one cat.

May 2, 2007


So it turns out that now is a pretty good time for us. I mean, we are moved in to our new apartment and getting to know the area. It is actually lovely around here and easy to get places. There are a lot of stores and restaurants, movie theaters, and other fun stuff withing a few miles.

I am working pretty regularly with the company that employs me to do chair massage and I was recently hired by Harris school, formerly Deep Muscle Therapy, as a substitute. That has been fun and has been giving me some work as well. Things aren't quite as tight financially because of the money I am bringing in. I mean, we still are pretty poor but at least we aren't completely broke.

I feel less guilty because I am contributing financial and Mike is less stress out because of that and his short commute to work. I would say the guilt of not helping financially and watching mike work so hard only for our bills to barely be paid was a stress that I have never felt before. I hope I don't experience it again. It is truly horrible.

Things have been going pretty well for us and I am trying not to have the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" mentality. I am praying that this time of rest for us lasts a while and that things continue to get better.