Feb 7, 2011

Better

I have been feeling much much happier lately. As some of you know, if there is anyone who still reads my neglected blog, I have had a pretty tough couple of years. The past few months have especially sucked. I had some stress, anger and sadness that were the dominant emotions in my life. In order to make myself feel better I kicked the drinking and other stuff up a good 40 notches. That was a completely random estimate of notches kicked. I don't even know what that means, sorry. My point is that I was drinking a lot. A LOT a lot. As in, drinking at inappropriate times and being drunk when I should not be drinking at all. Also, drinking massive quantities of whatever I could get my hands on and smoking stuff that isn't legal.That went on for a good year, I'd say.

So a few weekends ago I hit rock bottom. I won't go into details but it involved a weekend that I can't quite recall. Mike filled me in on why water was pouring through the ceiling and why we needed a new toilet. Why he was washing sheets and my pajamas and why he hid a bottle of sleeping pills.

Darby had me go back and look at some texts I had sent and explained why she was going to call an ambulance from California.

Bad bad weekend. The good news is that I am on my antidepressant like I should be. I also have chosen to live a sober lifestyle.

I have also chosen to heal from anger and hurt and make my relationship with God a priority.

So far so good. It's a struggle to live a healthy life but it's what I want.

4 comments:

Nina said...

Sounds to me like you're making really great choices, and I'm so so so glad you're feeling happier.

I love you muchly.

Collin and Lindsay: said...

Mers, I'm so glad that you want to be healthy. I am SO glad you are okay. Really, Mers. I can't imagine this life without you, so I'm glad you've resolved to living a healthy life. Come to my house soon. ~Linds

Jessica said...

Merry...I am proud of you. And I concur with the others who have said that they are so happy that you are a). here and b). making choices that will lead you to be happier and more at peace while you are here.

Emily said...

That's a happy post to read.