boring

I feel like my posts are so gloomy these days. I guess I am just going through one of those valleys in my life where it seems like one thing after another is going wrong. Things were going really well for awhile so, I know things will get better again eventually. Sometimes I just feel so badly. I just feel so sad and hopeless and then I feel guilt on top of that because I have no reason to feel bad. Mike will come in to the bedroom to see how I am doing and I will just be staring. He lays down next to me and my bottom lip turns down into the uncontrollable and severe frown that I get when I am really sad and trying not to cry. He always knows that when the frowny face comes tears are going to follow soon. He always says, "oh no baby, why the frowny face" in his most caring voice. That makes me cry even harder cause He wants me to be happy. I truly believe that that is one of Mike's greatest wishes. It makes me feel so sad for him because he married a girl with major depressive disorder. I hate being depressed. I hate being overweight and depressed even more. I only go to the doctor about once a year not because I am not sick often but because 9 times out of 10 the doctor chalks my symptoms up to being depressed and/or it is because I am overweight. Really? I AM? I am depressed and overweight? I hadn't noticed. Thanks a heap doc. You are so SO smart. I got blood work done and my white blood cells are elevated...so there. Whatever that means.

Mike's dad just found out that he has a baseball sized tumor on his kidney and because 95% of the time it is cancerous( are they even going to check) they are taking his whole kidney out.



I don't feel like saying anything else just now.