Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Prov 3.5-6).

Something I have read and heard a thousand times at least. The six pence none the richer song often plays in my head at times of turmoil. It is such a simple thing to ask someone to do. Trust me. You don't understand what is going on, so just trust ME because I do. Why can't I do that? I mean, He has never steered me wrong. I have never trusted God and then been let down. Why can't I just realize that I don't know what is going on? I need help. I mess things up...a lot. Recently, I have been making one mistake after another. I think I am making a good decision but then it blows up in my face. I think that I am doing well and then something or someone reminds me that, "you know what? you kind of suck." I do kind of suck at a lot of stuff. I have had a lot on my mind lately and when my brain is filled up with questions and tossing waves of obsessive thoughts I have a hard time doing things that I am supposed to do. Clean the house, do the dishes, go food shopping, deposit my paycheck. Even going swimming is a chore though I love to do it. Mike comes home for work and is just kind of sad that I didn't do anything. He isn't a jerk. He is wonderful but it makes him really sad when I don't take care of things he has trusted me to take care of. So, if I make Mike sad and he can't trust me to take care of things why do I trust myself to make things better for myself. Shouldn't I just trust the One who never gets things wrong? Who never let's any of us down? I should and I want to. Even just writing this gives me the hope that I will start to trust Him and have the peace that passes my understanding.

This is just a hard and crappy time for so many people. I hear something new everyday, about someone being ill or someone's child dying or other horribly sad things going on in the world. It is just so hard to have peace but we have to. We have to believe that there is Someone who knows what He is doing and that all things work together for good. I have to believe it. I do believe it.