Horrible and selfish

That is all I can say about myself the last few months. I would say maybe since right about November. yes. November seems about right. It was like a demon crawled into my body aontrolled my mind and thoughts and made me really really VERY self centered when family and friends were going through the hardest time in their life. I started off unselfishly. My thoughts and deeds were pure in intention.I tried to be loving and honest and kind and then it was like Gollum with the ring in Lord of the rings. He wanted to be kind to Frodo but this demon just kept taking over and making him act really selfishly. I started to shut myself off from people who needed me to be open. I started surrounded myself with unkind people. I made choices that were self destructive and painful to those that love me most. Those I loved tried to tell me I wasn't seeing things clearly. They said that I was only seeing things from my view. I knew it and I told them I knew it but I held on to that selfishness with such tenacity that when someone tried to take it away I would lash out at them.

The other day I had a conversation with a sister of mine. This sister just sort of reiterated what the other sister has been saying since November. They love me. They always have. They always will. But I need to look past my pain and see things from the other side.

I decided that that was true. Then all of a sudden it was like the demon left my body. I kind of just started crying. Crying for my friend who was crushed. Crying because I wasn't supportive enough. Crying because I was the kind of person that I don't want to be. Crying because I know I can do better. Be better. I am better. Better than that behavior and those thoughts and actions.

So, I just want to apologize and say I was wrong. SO totally wrong and I will hopefully never be that selfish and blinded by my own feelings of hurt again.