I have seemed to emerge from a gloomy mist of sorts. I feel like I can breathe more freely. I feel like it is ok to be happy and laugh with friends. I am enjoying doing thing that are social without feeling self conscious and weird.
I feel like I can have fun and enjoy life without smoking pot and drinking. I'll be honest for the last year I have really been using substances as a crunch. The other night at the celebration of a dear, dear friend, we were going around the circle of love and saying what we loved about her or what we admired about her.This friend has gone though some severe trauma this past year. One friend said that one thing he admired was that this friend chose to walk in love and make good choices when so many others when faced with trauma make bad choices. It's really true. I on the other hand, when faced with any trauma, chose to abuse substances. Alcohol, marijuana, zanax. Not good choices. I am getting better. I haven't smoked anything in maybe 3 months. I still drink. I am trying to drink less. I didn't drink at all yesterday. That is good for me.
I'm working on other things too. Working on not being hateful in my thoughts. I am working on being kinder in general. Like, in my heart, not just on the outside. I feel better when I am kinder.
1 comment:
this post makes me happy; I am proud of you. I think we all have things that are our "go-to," a temptation to run to when things seem horrible. you are no different from any of the rest of us. I have wanted to run away so many many times--and if it weren't for people who stepped in, I might have, who knows?
but merry--i am proud of you for making these good choices.
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