Mar 14, 2011

Spring and things

It's almost officially spring but it is already spring in my head and heart. My flowers are starting to bloom, the weather is getting warmer and I have been celebrating my birthday with people. I might rush spring a bit but with all the cold weather in my town and in my heart I'm ready for some serious warming all around. My depression was particularly bad this winter as was my substance abuse. If you have ever experienced such emotional pain then you know how life feels like spring when you start to see the flower buds of hope popping up. When you have severe depression you don't really see the flowers though you might be looking straight at them. You can't feel the sun though you know that it is shining on you. It is like everything is colored gray like a black and white movie. The movie isn't interesting though, it is just on in the back round creating noise when you are trying to sleep. So when you start feeling better it is like little parts of the movie have color again. Maybe a woman's lips are red. Maybe there is a green blade of grass. Then more and more things are turning colors until you are intrigued with the movie. Then you start to hear the dialogue and you start laughing until finally you think,"Oh I REMEMBER this movie. It's my favorite." It's a great feeling. a great great feeling.

This is all I want to say now.


sare said...

love this. im glad that it is spring in your heart and mind;) love you!

Jessica said...

and that's a beautiful and awesome way to describe it. so glad you are seeing the flowers and feeling the sun.

Collin and Lindsay: said...

I have loved your blog posts as of late, Mers! This one was so beautiful and heartwarming; the others have had me laughing out loud! Thanks for posting!