1 month out

So tomorrow will mark 1 month since my surgery. I am feeling a bit more normal which is what I continue to crave. I want to feel good, of course, I want to lose weight, of course, I want to be healthy, of COURSE but want I really want is to feel like my life is normal again.
 For a girl who has a hard time adjusting to shocks to the system, physically and emotionally, this surgery has been a doooooooozie. First the physical aspect. I was cut and rearranged and things were removed. Muscle was cut and IVS, portals, tubes and drains were put in. I didn't sleep much for the first two weeks and it's quite easy to get dehydrated which I believe I almost was a few times. Mike had to give me shots for two weeks. Thank God we don't have to do that anymore. The pain was intense at times as were the intestinal issues.I still get lightheaded and tired and have to take vitamins and medicines that taste horrible. Emotionally, it's been even tougher. Before the surgery food was a huge part of my life. When I was sad or lonely ,bored ,depressed ,tired or happy, I would eat. We ate for entertainment and for the experience. It was so comforting to me to just sit down after a tough day and eat some of my favorite foods. I was addicted to sugar. Now I can't do that. I can't use food as a drug. I have to deal with every little thing that I am feeling and man I feel A LOT. Plus, I have used the weight as another security blanket. Over the years the blanket got too hot and heavy but it was who I thought I was, I didn't want to let go.I regretted the surgery as soon as it got tough...so day one. I am just now starting to remember why I wanted it in the first place. I feel better physically. My body doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did before surgery even my fibromyalgia isn't as bad. I love that my clothes are looser. For a girl who wants nothing but comfort it is nice to feel more comfortable. Anyway, that's how I feel right now.