Really?

So when I was younger I was constantly being compared to Darby. She was this legendary girl who was so beautiful and popular that people all around Delaware knew who she was. Every state we went to and every new situation it was always the same thing, Darby was this amazing creature that guys would just fall for. So when I was getting ready to go to Wilmington Christian mid 7th grade my best friend Missy told me that boys were already interested in me before I even got there based solely on the fact that I was Darby's sister.

Sadly, I disappointed a lot of people. Seriously, I did. I would be introduced and then someone would inevitable ask me what my last name was. As soon as I said Di Natale, I saw their eyes bug out. "You are Darby's sister???!!!" They would gawked incredulously. "She's beautiful. You don't look ANYTHING like her".

You think I am exaggerating but I am not. Once some guy even said,"You're sisters? But she is pretty and you are ugly". This cut me so deeply. After Darby graduated I thought I might get some relief until Lindsay started WCS and everyone called her "little Darby"."Oh my gosh, you look SO much like Darby". Grrreat.

So, I have never gotten over that pain but I guess I kind of buried it. It has always come up at odd times. I don't feel beautiful and I never really have. I don't believe Mike finds me beautiful.

Anyway, today Mike and I went to EP with Mike's parents for Easter. It is the church Mike grew up in and there was a guy that went to High school with us. Mike introduced me as his wife, Merry. I remembered this guy because he used to "go out" with my sisters best friend. I car- pulled with her and therefore saw this kid a lot. He had no idea who I was and I didn't bring up the whole scenario from high school. Mike said I went to Wilmington Christian and I made the HORRIBLE mistake, naively thinking that it was safe to say, you might have know my sister, Darby. This guy proceeds to smirk and make this weird face and say," Wow, you look REALLY different from Darby". He literally made a face like, "Who hit you with the ugly stick". I felt like I was going to cry. I am 32 years old and I felt like that ugly little girl standing next to her beautiful sister again. I talked to Mike about it and he confirmed the fact that it was really sad because that guy really did say it the way I interpreted it and he did make a weird face.

Anyway, I just thought I would share that 2 years of counseling have now been flushed down the toilet, I will probably develop bulimia again, and plunge into self hatred all because of this walking anus's mean comment and facial expression.I feel so completely fat and ugly. I just want to never leave the house again. Happy fucking Easter to me.