Despair

I feel like I should give up on trying to have normal things. I don't feel normal, I try to act normal but I can't keep up the facade for long. I have a huge fear of intimacy. I only let people get just so far and then I run away or turn my heart off or in the most horrible of scenarios, I act really mean so the person will leave me. Why do I do this? The answer seems obvious. I am fucked up. I am so fucked up and I feel robbed by those men who did things to me to make me like this. I have been in therapy for over a year. I have not made enough progress. I cannot live like this.