My head feels like it is going to explode. My eyes feel like someone has stapled them open and is throwing sand in them. This is usually how I feel when I cry that hard, gasping for breath deep, gutteral sobs shaking your body kind of cry. I feel so hopeless, so much like a complete worthless loser who is nothing but a drain on her friends and family. I honestly believe that financial stress is one of the worst kinds of stress. Obviously the death or illness of a loved one and marital discourse is worse, but being poor is extremely detrimental to your health. Without going into the whole story, I was delt a particularly hard blow to my confidence in myself and my abilities today and I don't know if the job I have been working so hard to get is going to work out. I mean, I went to school for 900 hours to learn massage one way and these people are telling me to do it a different way and are expecting me to relearn everything in what has been about three hours of training time. I am so frustrated. I am so tired of not being able to help Mike out financially. I am so tired of feeling guilty. I feel like I am just not meant to be happy. I am not asking for sports cars and a mansion, I just want to be able to pay our bills. Please help us, God. PLEASE.
2 comments:
Financial stress sucks big time.. susan and i lived almost entirely off student loans for 2 years.. it was amazingly difficult..
i hope things get better soon for you
Merry,
It hurt my heart so much to read this. I am so sorry. My words feel so empty. I wish that I could do something that was practical, but I, too, am not currently working. All I have at this point, is words.
I know that you are an incredibly talented artist. Massage therapy is an art, that you have, in my lowly and uneducated opinion, have nearly mastered.
I have been a first hand witness to your art and let me tell you, it was F****** amazing! It relieved a migraine that I had a whole week.
...and Merry, please believe that you are meant to be happy. When you are happy, the world is good.
To be loved by Merry is a truly beautiful, and rare gift.
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