I am having a jealous day. I wish I wasn't. jealousy is one of the most horrible feelings on earth and I know that I struggle with it. These are the things I am jealous of today.
1. On the Weight Watchers community board there was a lady who was disappointed that she is only losing 3lbs a week and wanted advice as to how to lose weight faster. Idiot. Jerk. Insensitive bitch. These are the horrible things that I said to her in my head. Then I realized that I was jealous that I wasn't losing weight faster. Even though I still think the idiot thing applies because losing weight faster than 2bls a week is dangerous and insensitive because no one else seems to lose that fast. However, I know my negative feelings are truly fueled by jealousy.
2. I am jealous of my pregnant friends. There are so many of them working on their second children while I am having a hard time conceiving my first. Of course I am happy for them...no really I am....it is just hard for me to really feeeeeeeel the happiness because I am jealous.
I guess that is it for now. I am trying to reconcile my feelings and be happy for what I have and to have hope for the future that I will get what I want.
2 comments:
We all have jealous days, but it takes a lot of courage and integrity to admit when you are feeling jealous. I would be super annoyed at the "only 3 lbs per week" person, too. After all, you are more than correct that that is way too fast to lose weight.
I think maybe jealousy is one of those feelings that is better off out in the open. If you don't confront it, it just gets bigger and more out of control- like it feeds on darkness. At least, that's my experience.
As one of your pregnant friends, I want you to know that I feel sensitive to how tough it must be to hear about my pregnancy when you want so much to be pregnant yourself. I wish life wasn't so unfair. I join with you in hoping for your bright and happy future!
Ditto to everything Susan said. And I love you!
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