I am feeling bad today so I guess I will just write and hope that I feel better when I am done.I am not going to worry about paragraphs or grammer.Here it goes. I feel sad today. I got my period which is a good thing except for the fact that it means that I am not pregnant...yet again. Mike and I have been officially trying for over a year. I have been trying(and maybe God is punishing me) for the past three years. Mike and I have already resolved the fact that I was trying to have a baby when he wasn't onboard. True to Mike's style he forgave me right away and told me that he kind of knew. Anyway, I am 31...closer to 32 and I want a baby really badly. I didn't always want a baby in fact, I thought that it would be better for a child if they didn't inherit my family's, um, ahem, issues. I also thought that perhaps I was responsible enough, or healthy enough, or unselfish enough. But you know, after years of seeing complete idiots having children I am fairly certain that I would be a great mom. I think Mike would be a great dad. We have a cozy home and I know that we would give a child so much love. I really knew that I would have trouble concieving and that isx why I starting trying so early. I thought it was ridiculous to use birth control when I knew I wasn't getting pregnant. I also struggle with feeling like I don't deserve to concieve easily. I feel like I have waited for everything I have wanted. I feel like my life has always been a huge struggle. Why not now? I also feel like I brought it on myself because of being overweight. Arg. That is all I feel like writing now. I need help. Mike and I are going to a fertility doctor in a few weeks. I just hope there is some help.