May 25, 2009

Feeling better

So, I realize that most of the times that I feel depressed and hopeless it is really brought on my either my emotions or hormones being completely out of control. Can you blame a girl who hadn't gotten her period in nearly three months? I think not. I am feeling much better now but still have an appointment on Friday to see if they can help with regulating the periods.

Also, I am going back to my therapist starting Wednesday. I feel like I need help with certain issues and that help needs to be professional.

I seem to either have a fear of failure or a fear of success in areas. Losing weight. Having a baby. Having a dog. With the last two it is also a fear of responsibility or a fear of my life changing to the point of being uncomfortable. I like comfort. I feel like I spend my whole life striving for comfort. It is bizarre to me. I hate not being able to sleep when I want or eat when and what I want. Maybe it is a control thing. Maybe it is a rebellion thing. I don't know and this is why I need help. My therapist really helped me with getting over my fear of men and that was a doozie. After I went through therapy for that issue I ended up being open enough to date and marry my love, Michael. It was perfect timing. Of course, having a baby is also a physical struggle. Things aren't working well. But that is kind of how it was with dating. There didn't seem to be any men around that I had a connection with. I am hoping that when I get my issues worked out I will then be able to conceive.

Anyway, things are looking much brighter and more hopeful. Just thought I would share.

2 comments:

lindsay said...

love you, mers! i think that you are insightful and honest to reflect on these things about yourself. not everyone can do that, and i think that definitely helps when you want to change. it does for me, anyway. i'm glad you got back in touch with your therapist.

evans426 said...

Hi Mer, I really really like therapy. I've been thinking about going back too. I think about you a lot, and I've been praying for you.