May 1, 2005

Thanks

I am blessed. I decided that today. I have decided that God does have favorites and I am one of them. If I want something badly enough, if it is truly my heart's desire, God gives it to me in a way that I know beyond doubt that he pulled some strings. My mother and dad have always said that out of everyone they know, they see God's hand on my life. They cannot believe how He works things out for me and never fail to point out these situations of grace. I have been ungrateful. I have complained and grumbled and cursed the day of my conception. I have not seen past my selfishness and wanted to give back this gift of life. I have been a spoiled brat on more than one occasion giving God the finger, believing that I was the queen of the damned, akin to Job, the chew toy of Satan, simply for not getting what I wanted when I wanted it. Yet he never fails me. I always find out that what I wanted so badly would have caused me the ultimate in misery. If I were Him I would want to teach this little bitch a lesson, but nope, not Him, he is too compassionate for that. So, on this Sunday that I did not go to church because of a tiny cold, I give God his props for being rad and I vow to try to be as grateful as I possibly can.

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